As parents, you want your child or teen to receive the best possible care, especially when it comes to their mental health. But finding the right therapist for your child or teen can feel daunting. Additionally, entrusting your child or teen’s emotional health to someone else can be difficult.
You can look for a professional with the training and expertise to help your child. But, even after finding a therapist, how do you know if their approach, communication style, or interpersonal skills are right for your child?
As a parent, you may have limited direct contact with your child or teen’s provider, depending on your child’s age. You may have to rely on your child or teen’s feedback and, hopefully, their progress to assure you that their therapist is the right fit for them.
However, you can evaluate the therapeutic relationship between your child and their therapist to ensure the therapist is right for your child. But keep in mind that even a skilled therapist may not be the right fit for all children or teens.
What is a therapeutic relationship, and why is it important?
The therapeutic relationship refers to the bond between the therapist and the client. This therapeutic alliance helps create and maintain a safe, collaborative environment that is vital to effective therapy.
The quality of the therapeutic relationship significantly impacts the success of therapy and the client’s overall well-being. In fact, research shows that the therapeutic relationship is as powerful, and perhaps more powerful, than the specific treatment method used and is an important factor in reported positive outcomes [1].
A healthy therapeutic relationship fosters a sense of security, acceptance, and feeling heard. This relationship helps your child build confidence, develop coping strategies, and work through what brings them to therapy more effectively.
How do you know if the therapist is right for your child or teen?
You want an experienced mental health clinician who has the training and expertise to appropriately assess and treat your child or teen so they can heal and move forward. However, there is more to the therapy process than using the most current evidence-based therapies.
You also need a therapist who is a good fit for your child or teen. To fully benefit from therapy, your child or teen needs to feel safe and understood by a therapist. This trust and connection allow them to open up about their thoughts and feelings.
Key components of a healthy therapeutic relationship
- Effective communication skills: The therapist communicates with your child or teen in age-appropriate ways. They actively listen, such as asking detailed questions about their history, thoughts, and feelings. They may reach out to you, family members, or other important people to gain additional information and history in the early stages of therapy. Your child or teen should feel respected, supported, and able to open up in sessions without fear of judgment. This open and two-way communication helps ensure your child can fully express themselves.
- Safe environment: Therapy should feel like a safe place where your child or teen can open up about their thoughts, feelings, and actions without worry of being judged. Your child may view the therapist as having a warm, caring attitude or feel approachable.
- Collaborative process: Therapy is a collaborative process in which the therapist and client work together toward the agreed-upon therapy goal.
- Personalized and flexible: When there is a good relationship, the therapist is typically in tune with the client. For instance, they understand the client and can tailor strategies to best fit the client’s needs.
- Trust: A healthy therapeutic alliance involves trust between the client and therapist and a genuine connection. The therapist also establishes clear therapeutic boundaries that help ensure safety, confidentiality, and respect.
Signs the therapist may be right for your child
As a parent, you may not be directly involved in therapy sessions, making it harder to assess whether the therapist is a good fit for your child or teen.
Here are some signs that can help you know whether the therapist is a good choice for your child.
- Active engagement in therapy: Your child engages in sessions, looks forward to therapy sessions, or speaks positively about their experiences.
- Genuine connection: Your child or teen feels respected by the therapist and may report having a close relationship. The therapist actively listens to your child, expresses empathy or compassion, and makes your child feel comfortable and heard.
- Progress: You or your child notice improvements in their behavior, mood, or coping skills over time, although the changes may not be linear. Additionally, the therapist respects your child’s pace. They understand how to help your child or teen work through difficult emotions, thoughts, situations, and beliefs.
- Openness: Your child feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with the therapist without feeling judged. They trust the therapist and feel supported.
- Feedback: The therapist provides constructive feedback and collaborates with you on strategies to support your child’s progress as appropriate. The therapist is also open to receiving client feedback about the therapy process, progress, and goals throughout the course of treatment. They provide opportunities for check-ins to ensure therapy is on track and everyone is on the same page. This can help reinforce collaboration, two-way communication, and rapport.
Signs the therapist may not be a good fit
Just like you may encounter people that you don’t “click” with, the same is true in therapy. Sometimes, a therapist and a client just don’t fit. The interactions and therapeutic relationship simply don’t feel right, even though the therapist may be well qualified.
It’s okay if you and your child need to try a few different therapists. However, keep in mind that it can take a few sessions before being able to judge if the therapist is a good fit.
Here are some signs that your child or teen’s therapist is not a good fit.
- Resistance or disinterest: Your child consistently resists attending therapy sessions or shows signs of distress when discussing therapy. Additionally, your child may be apathetic towards therapy or state they don’t like the therapist. In this situation, ask your child or teen for examples or why they feel this way. This information can help you if you decide to look for a new therapist, or you can let the therapist know what isn’t working well for your child to see if the situation can be fixed. Also, let your child know that sometimes it can take a few tries to find the right therapist.
- Lack of Progress: There’s little to no improvement in your child’s condition after many sessions, and the therapist is unable to explain why.
- Poor Communication: The therapist fails to communicate effectively with you or your child, leaving you feeling out of the loop. However, check in with your child on how they feel about the therapist’s communication style since you being out of the loop on specifics of sessions might be why a child or teen trusts the therapist and process.
- Discomfort: Your child feels uneasy, judged, or misunderstood by the therapist, hindering their ability to engage in the process.
- Lacks appropriate cultural sensitivity or awareness: Your child or teen’s culture, beliefs, and personal background are an essential part of who they are. Therapists don’t have to come from the same background, but they do need to be sensitive and aware.
- Unclear therapeutic goals: You, your child, and your therapist should all have an age-appropriate understanding of the therapy goals. You should all be in agreement about the therapy process and have a clear understanding of the signs or benchmarks that your child is making progress. If a therapist is unable to help you understand the therapeutic goals, then it may not be a good fit.
- Unclear boundaries: While a therapeutic alliance involves establishing a healthy relationship between your child and the therapist, this relationship isn’t like a friendship. The therapist should set clear boundaries and keep the focus of therapy on your child or teen.
How parents can support their child or teen during therapy
Some children or teens may find therapy intimidating or scary. They may have preconceived notions about what it means to be in therapy or feel unsure about how therapy can help them. As a parent, you are an essential part of your child or teen’s support system and can actively contribute to the therapeutic process, whether you’re directly attending sessions or not.
Here are some ways you can help your child or teen feel comfortable about therapy.
1. Talk with them about their thoughts and feelings regarding therapy while respecting privacy.
Your child or teen may not always want to talk about therapy with you. But checking in with them and letting them know that you’re there for them will help provide them with additional emotional support. They will know you’re there if they need to talk or if they have concerns about therapy or the therapist’s ability.
When talking about therapy, you’ll also want to respect your child or teen’s privacy. Striking a balance between being involved and privacy can feel tricky. However, communicating openly with them can help. You can let them know that you’re there for them but also want them to feel comfortable about what they share.
2. Help implement strategies at home.
Your child’s therapist may have tasks or strategies for your child to do outside of therapy. In these cases, work with the therapist and your child to integrate therapeutic strategies and techniques into your child’s life. This can help reinforce the therapy process, helping your child move forward.
3. Ensure your child or teen attends therapy consistently.
Depending on your child’s age, you may or may not be directly attending sessions. But having your child or teen attending therapy consistently is critical for developing a strong therapeutic relationship. It also lets your child know that therapy is a priority and valuable.
4. Avoid putting pressure on your child or teen.
Therapy takes time. Avoid setting unrealistic expectations for your child to “get better” quickly. Respect their boundaries and let them know that therapy is a process. There may be sessions where they leave feeling better, but it’s also okay if a session is hard or challenging. Pressure or unrealistic expectations can increase anxiety and resistance, slowing down or hindering the therapeutic process.
5. Be patient.
The therapeutic process can take time to work. Additionally, it can take several sessions for a strong therapeutic alliance to form.
Therapy isn’t linear. Clients will make progress, and they may also have setbacks. This is part of the journey. Therapy is a safe place for your child to face and work through their challenges and difficult feelings.
As part of the process, the therapist may need to encourage your child to do hard things. During that time, your child may not be as enthusiastic about therapy or may lash out about their therapist. They may be resistant to attending sessions.
As a parent, it can be hard to know whether the irritation toward the therapist or resistance is due to being appropriately challenged to help move your child forward or due to a bad fit.
In these situations, it’s best to talk with your child or teen openly, calmly, and without judgment. You can also reach out to the therapist about your concerns. They will help provide what information they can while respecting confidentiality.
Your support is an essential part of the therapy process
A strong therapeutic relationship makes it possible for the therapist to assist your child or teen through the hard parts of therapy, so they can work through their challenges, heal, and move forward. Additionally, research supports the importance of the therapeutic relationship to the therapy process and successful treatment.
But your support is also vital. Partnering with the therapist and respecting your child or teen’s privacy while staying involved can enhance the overall therapy experience.
Frequently Asked Questions About Therapy
How long should it take to see progress in therapy?
The length of time it takes to see progress in therapy varies depending on the individual and their specific circumstances. Some individuals may experience positive changes early on, while others may require more time to achieve their therapy goals.
The important thing is to have open communication with the therapist and regularly assess your child or teen’s satisfaction with the therapy process. This will help determine if adjustments need to be made to the treatment plan or if additional support is needed.
How can I tell if my child trusts their therapist?
Building trust is crucial for effective therapy. You can tell if your child trusts their therapist by observing their emotional state before and after therapy sessions. Additional signs of trust include, if your child feels open to sharing their thoughts and feelings in session, demonstrates a positive attitude towards therapy, and shows signs of rapport.
What if my child wants to stop therapy?
If your child expresses a desire to stop therapy, it is important to have an open and honest conversation with them and the therapist. Explore their reasons for wanting to stop and address any concerns or negative feelings they may have. Together, you can assess if therapy is still beneficial and explore alternative options if needed.
Can I switch therapists if it’s not a good fit?
Yes, you can change therapists if the therapeutic alliance is not a good fit. It is important to find a therapist with whom the child or teen feels comfortable and supported. Prioritize your child’s well-being and discuss the decision with the current therapist to ensure a smooth transition to a new therapist if necessary.
How often should I communicate with my child’s therapist?
The frequency of communication with your child’s therapist varies depending on their individual needs and the treatment plan. It is important to have open lines of communication with the therapist and discuss the most effective way to stay involved. Regular check-ins and updates on your child’s progress can help ensure consistency in treatment and contribute to a successful outcome.
Sources
- DeAngelis, T. (2019, November 1). Better relationships with patients lead to better outcomes. Monitor on Psychology, 50(10), 38. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/11/ce-corner-relationships (Accessed May 2024)
