Sending your child off to college for their freshman year is a big step for both of you. It’s normal to feel a mix of pride, excitement, and worry.
Your child is starting a new chapter in their life. They need space to grow and explore. But they’ll thrive knowing that you’re there supporting and empowering them every step of the way.
Balancing this can be challenging. You want to be there for them, stay connected, but not hover. Here are six ways to support and empower your college freshman during this exciting and sometimes challenging time.
1. Give Your Student Space – But Still Be Available
Your child is now a young adult, ready to take on new challenges and experiences. They need space to try new things — and sometimes even fail. But they also need to know you’re there for them. Here are some ways you can be present while letting your college student do things their way.
- Be Open and Encourage Communication: Let your student know they can come to you with anything. Encourage them to share their experiences, but don’t push them to talk if they’re not ready.
- Don’t Hover: It’s tempting to check in constantly, but try to resist. Trust that they can handle school, new freedoms, and building new friendships on their own.
- Remember This Is Their Time to Explore Life as a Young Adult: College is a time for self-discovery. Allow them to make their own choices and learn from their mistakes.
- Acknowledge Your Own Feelings and Expectations: It’s normal to feel anxious or worry about your child. Stay busy with your own hobbies or interests. Remember, this is an exciting time for you too, as you watch your child grow and become more independent.
2. Listen, Empathize, and Only Provide Solutions If They Ask
When your student comes to you with a problem, listen first. They may just need to vent and feel heard.
- Listen Actively: Show that you’re listening by nodding or giving verbal affirmations like “I understand.”
- Empathize with Their Feelings: Let them know it’s okay to feel stressed or overwhelmed.
- Provide Solutions Only If They Ask: Sometimes, they might just need a sounding board. Jumping in too quickly with solutions can prevent them from learning how to solve issues on their own. It also may backfire on you — making your child feel like you’re holding them back and not letting them grow. So offer advice only when they ask for it.
3. Let Them Know You Care
Small gestures can mean a lot to your student and remind them that you’re thinking of them. They’re getting used to being on their own and maybe living far from home for the first time.
However, don’t send too much too soon. You can also check in with your student and ask them in what ways can you best support them.
Here are some ideas:
- Keep in Touch: Send a quick text or call them just to check in. Regular communication can be a great way to help them feel connected to home. So see if there’s a day and time each week they’d like to chat (and that fits their schedule!).
- Send a Care Package: A box of their favorite snacks or a handwritten note can make their day, especially in the first month and close to midterms or finals.
- Send a Gift Card: A small gift card for a dessert or coffee shop by their college gives them the chance to relax with friends. If possible, consider including enough so they can pay for a friend’s treat too!
4. Be Available as a Non-Judgmental Resource
Your student might need help with new responsibilities. They may need guidance on life skills like budgeting, managing time, or handling academic pressures.
Being a supportive resource without judging them is crucial. You can be there for them to empower and support without imposing your own expectations. So they can make their own decision.
Also, it’s okay if they make mistakes along the way. This can be a valuable learning lesson that will help them throughout their life. Knowing you’re there to help if they mess up can give them confidence as they navigate this exciting new phase of their life.
Here are some ways you can be available as a resource without taking over:
- Offer Tips (When Asked) on Budget and Money Management: College life often comes with financial challenges. Offer advice on budgeting, but let them take charge of their finances. Suggest creating a simple budget to track their spending and savings. Encourage them to look for part-time jobs or internships to gain financial independence.
- Encourage Them to Explore Academic Resources: Help them discover college campus resources like tutoring centers, libraries, or study groups. Brainstorm with them about the best ways to tackle their coursework. Remind them that seeking help from professors or academic advisors is a smart move, not a sign of weakness.
- Time Management Tips: College students often struggle with balancing classes, studying, and social activities. Share articles or tips on time management, like using a planner or setting priorities. Encourage them to find a routine that works for them, balancing study time with relaxation and socializing.
- Encourage Involvement in Campus Life: Getting involved in campus activities can enhance your child’s college experience and help them build a support network. Encourage them to:
- Join clubs, organizations, or sports teams that interest them.
- Attend campus events and social activities.
- Volunteer for community service projects.
- Explore opportunities for internships or part-time jobs related to their field of study.
- Emotional Support: College can be overwhelming, and your student might face stress or homesickness. Be a non-judgmental listener. Let them express their feelings without fear of criticism. Sometimes, just knowing someone understands can make a big difference.
- Problem-Solving: When they face challenges, help them brainstorm solutions without taking over. Ask questions that guide them to think through their options to help them develop problem-solving skills and build their confidence.
- Encourage Independence: While offering support, remember to encourage their independence. Praise their efforts to solve problems on their own. This balance shows you trust their ability to handle adult responsibilities while knowing you’re there if they need guidance.
- Support Academic Success: Help your child establish effective study habits and organizational skills. Encourage them to:
- Attend all classes and keep up with assignments.
- Utilize campus resources such as tutoring centers, writing, labs, and academic advisors.
- Manage their time wisely, balancing study, worry, and social activities.
- Develop relationships with professors and participate in class discussions.
5. Watch for Warning Signs of Struggles Adjusting
College can be an exciting time but also tough. Some students may have a harder time adjusting, struggling with the transition.
As a parent, it’s important to be aware of the warning signs that your college freshmen may be having a difficult time adjusting. Your understanding and encouragement can be critical to helping them adjust and thrive in college.
Here are some tips:
- Know the Signs: Look for changes in behavior or their mental health that could indicate your student is struggling. This might include withdrawal from social activities, avoiding campus activities, a decline in academic performance, changes in eating or sleeping habits, or frequent mood swings. Pay attention to any signs of excessive stress, anxiety, or depression.
- Keep Communication Open: Regular check-ins can help you stay connected and gauge how they are feeling. Ask open-ended questions about their classes, friends, and daily life. Listen to their responses carefully, and be attuned to any hints that something might be wrong.
- Encourage Them to Seek Help: Remind your student that it’s okay to ask for help. Many colleges offer counseling services, health centers, and academic support. Encourage them to take advantage of these resources if they are feeling overwhelmed or stressed.
- Offer Support Without Pressure: Let your student know you are there for them without adding to their stress. Avoid making them feel guilty or ashamed about struggling. Instead, offer your support and reassurance, emphasizing that it’s normal to face challenges during this transition.
- Help Them Develop Coping Strategies: Discuss healthy strategies for managing stress, such as regular exercise, adequate sleep, and maintaining a balanced diet. Encourage them to find activities that relax them and provide a break from their academic pressures, like hobbies or socializing with friends.
- Stay Informed About Their Well-being: If your student continues to struggle, consider visiting them or inviting them home for a weekend. Sometimes a change of scenery and some family time can provide a much-needed boost.
- Trust Your Instincts: You know your child better than anyone. If you feel something is not right, trust your instincts and take action. It’s better to reach out and talk with your college student than to wait until the problems become more serious.
6. Celebrate Their Successes
Celebrate your student’s achievements, no matter how small. This can build their confidence and show them that you’re proud of their hard work.
Here are some ideas:
- Acknowledge Milestones: Whether it’s acing a test, meeting new people, or joining a club, celebrate their successes.
- Send Encouraging Messages: A simple “Great job!” or “I’m proud of you!” can go a long way.
- Celebrate Together: If possible, visit them and celebrate their achievements in person when it fits their schedule. A visit can lift their spirits and give you both something to look forward to. But give it a couple of weeks (or more) before visiting to give your student a chance to adjust to the college experience.
You can encourage your college freshman’s independence and be there for them.
Your student’s first year can be an exciting time getting used to having a roommate, being in a new environment, and learning how to navigate their newfound independence.
Supporting your college freshman involves a delicate balance of giving them space to grow and being there when they need you. By listening, showing you care, being a non-judgmental resource, watching for signs of struggle, and celebrating their successes, you can help your child navigate this exciting new chapter in their life.
However, if your student is struggling to adjust to college life, there are experts that can help. Encourage your student to visit their college’s counseling center or an off-campus therapist who specializes in helping college-aged adults.
